Fumble FAQs
Is it safe to use household items as sex toys?
There’s a lot to unpack in this question: What type of household item? And use it how?
Broadly speaking, we advise that people don’t use anything as a sex toy that hasn’t been specifically made as a sex toy. Mainly because our genitals and erogenous zones are generally very sensitive parts of our body. But Mark Hill’s 2023 research shows that 30% of people have used a household item as a sex toy in the past, such as deodorant cans, toothbrushes, pens, hairbrushes, fruit or veg, remotes, candles and kitchen roll holders.
More often than not, these sorts of household items are used for penetration and this is really unsafe. No-one wants to end up in hospital because they can’t get an item out of their vagina or anus, or because the item has caused internal damage. Sex toys have a base, handle or string tie, so that they can be easily removed without getting stuck. It’s especially important that anal toys have a wide base, so that nothing gets pulled into the rectum past the sphincter (this is because of the vacuum-like pressure of the rectum - very different to the vaginal canal where no toy will be able to pass through the cervix).
We advise against using household items, particularly for penetration, but there are some ways to be safer:
Put a condom over the item if possible - this makes it as hygienic as possible (dental dams or disposable gloves could work if not)
If it’s not possible to put a condom over the item, make sure it’s clean
Don’t use any item with sharp edges, corners or pointy parts that could cut you or cause damage
Don’t use any item that could shatter or break off inside you
Get medical help straight away if anything goes wrong - don’t let embarrassment stop you from speaking to a doctor
That said, less harmful household items include:
Pillows or any soft bedding for humping (just make sure you’re able to put it in the wash afterwards)
Sitting underneath showerheads or bath taps for clitoral stimulation (remember to check the water temperature beforehand)
We still advise that you stick to sex toys to have your fun; and if it’s shame and embarrassment stopping you from using them, read on to (hopefully!) make those uncomfortable feelings easier.
Is there a stigma to owning or buying a sex toy?
When we say ‘sex toy’, we’re talking about objects that are used for sexual pleasure and made specifically for this purpose. Sex toy research and manufacturing has exploded in recent years and there are now so many types, shapes and sizes out there, some of them more well-known than others: vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, clit suction toys, kegel balls, cock rings, couple toys (with a remote control, for example), and more. We have lots more information on the different types on our site.
So, why are people using household items instead of sex toys, especially when toys are now so affordable and easy to buy online?
One reason is shown in Mark Hill’s 2023 research: Stigma! Sadly, this shows 65% of people thinking there’s a stigma around owning a sex toy, and many not feeling confident in buying them at a physical shop (59%) or online (33%).
We share more about sex toys and stigma in our blog piece. But the more we start talking about sex and pleasure, and normalising the fun of sexual pleasure and using sex toys, the easier it gets.
Why do people choose to use sex toys?
Apart from the fun and pleasure they bring, there are lots of other reasons why people choose to use sex toys:
Exploring self-pleasure with sex toys can give us more understanding about ourselves and specifically what feels good sexually. This isn’t just about masturbation, it can also massively improve sex with a partner: How do we communicate what feels good sexually to a partner, if we don’t know ourselves?
It’s common to think of heterosexual (straight) penis-in vagina penetration when we think of sex, but there are so many different ways to be sexually intimate with another person. Sex toys can be a great way to try out different types of sexual intimacy and pleasure with each other
Having a disability can make it difficult to touch yourself and/or enjoy sex with a partner, but there are lots of sex toys designed specifically to make it possible or much easier to enjoy sexual pleasure
We explain lots more about these points in our blog piece. Regardless of who you are, whether you’re in a heterosexual (straight) relationship, or a lesbian, gay or queer relationship, or if you’re single, there are so many different ways to enjoy sexual intimacy and sexual pleasure. We have lots more information on our site.
How can I be safe while using sex toys?
You’re already being much safer, by using sex toys instead of household items. But there are a few more safety tips to remember:
Is the CE mark printed on the toy?
Make sure that the CE mark (this is on so many items, for example phones) is on any sex toy you use. This means that the toy meets required safety standards, such as being made from ‘body safe materials’. This is especially important if the toy is going inside your body.
Keep it hygienic
Make sure you clean any sex toy after using it. If you’re sharing a sex toy with a partner, clean it in between each of you using it. This is because sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can be passed on through sex toys. An easy way to keep safe from STIs is to put a new condom on the toy between using it, especially if this is a penetrative toy. Make sure you also clean the toy/use new condoms if you’re using it on different parts of your body, for example moving between the vagina and anus.
Use lube
Lube makes using sex toys much more comfortable and pleasurable. Use it! This is especially important when using anal sex toys because the anus isn’t self-lubricating like the vagina. Just make sure you use the right type of lube, which is usually advised on the packaging/in the instructions.
What about my partner? I don’t want to offend them…
There’s a misconception around sex toys that they ‘replace’ a partner in some way, or suggest that a partner ‘isn’t enough’ during sex. We can’t say it enough: Sex toys don’t replace people.
Instead, they add something different to sexual pleasure and intimacy. They can even be used and enjoyed as a couple together. Involving a partner when buying a sex toy, by looking/shopping together, can open up a conversation about what either of you might like to try and what feels good for either of you (for example, the sensation of vibrating toys is very different to penetrative toys).
Just make sure, if you’re involving your partner, that you check in on each other’s comfort levels. It’s not okay to pressure anyone else into using sex toys. Consent is crucial for any type of sexual intimacy, whether that’s you wanting to include your partner in the sex toy fun, or whether it’s your partner suggesting using them with you.
Also: just because you bring up trying sex toys, doesn’t mean you’re saying yes to any and every type of sex toy. There are a lot of different types, and wanting to try a vibrator is not consenting to trying butt plugs or dildos. Part of keeping ourselves safe while enjoying sex toys is communicating and understanding consent.
We know that it can feel difficult to communicate consent, so we have lots more information on our site: